What they don’t tell you about following your heart

11c85a77b94b0eaadb4603e0d9b8474bIt seems to come up every now and then.

Follow your heart.

I always thought that meant something magical, it sounds like that, doesn’t it?

Let me tell you what they don’t tell you about following your heart.

If you follow your heart you may land yourself with a hairdo that makes you look like a witch.

If you follow your heart you may end up staying in love with someone so toxic, that you will never be able to extort their venom from your system.

If you follow your heart you may wind up doing the rebound thing, and never being able to look back at a whole year of your life because it will make you want to hurl over in disgust.

If you follow your heart you will break hearts.

If you follow your heart you may cheat. In tests, in applications, in relations.

If you follow your heart you will begin a lot of things thinking you can do it, that you want to do it, and realize half way through that you don’t.

If you follow your heart you may shift out of your city, only to be back in four days.

If you follow your heart you may drop out of schools, more than once.

If you follow your heart you may take a shot at the same fellowship, despite being rejected, more than once.

If you follow your heart you will fight with people you love, very, very badly.

If you follow your heart you may lose people you love.

If you follow your heart you will break your heart.

If you follow your heart you may not practice what you always preach.

If you follow your heart you may spend years, following, just wandering.

If you follow your heart you will be judged. By a lot of people.

If you follow your heart you will take decisions at the drop of a hat that may not always work in your favour.

If you follow your heart you won’t always be following logic, reason or even the law.

If you follow your heart you won’t always end the day with a big smile on your face.

Following your heart does not mean that you will not look back at some of the things you decided to do and realize that they were mistakes. You will, there will be mistakes. There will be pain. All you will have to show for yourself will be the fact that you followed your heart, and believe me because you should, most times that won’t be much to accredit yourself with.

Following your heart doesn’t always mean a happy path, it may not mean a happy ending, I don’t know about that one.

Sometimes people will call you brave, they will say you inspire them. Sometimes people will call you foolish and impulsive, they will say you have no sense of direction. You will notice often that it will be the same people who say both.

A heart is not an internal compass, it is an organ that pumps blood.

You could follow it, but remember it is no more or less noble than any other path.

Following your heart can mean everything, or absofrekinlutely nothing, depending on what you let it mean to yourself.

So the next time someone tells you to follow your heart, well, I’m just sayin’….

Grat List 6th October

My 57 reasons to smile:
1. Almost Famous
2. Not everyone gets that
3. Not everyone gets it back
4. Not everyone gets to keep it
5. They are fierce
6. They are strong, even when I can’t be
7. They are.. Just there, like you know when you tell someone thanks for showing up? They always show up.
8. And with a pocket full of sunshine
9. Even from across seas
10. They will turn up at your sisters bridal shower and give you a heart attack
11. They will stab people with forks who you aren’t happy to be around
12. They will call Canada ten times because you feel psychotic im between the night and need answers
13. They will miss your sisters wedding, but they’ll be there at the reception cheering you on loud enough before your speech for you to know the only people who matter, don’t care how crappy it is gonna be.
14. They will turn up at your doorstep with a toy duck because you didn’t wanna attend college but wanted duck one day
15. They will buy you the dress you looked at longingly but couldn’t afford
16. They will hunt the whole city to get you belgian chocolates before you leave the country the next morning
17. They will remind you that the little things matter
18. They will be all those little things for you
19. They will be all the bigger things as well
20. Who am I kidding? They will always be everything.
21. They will smile at you over coffee in the morning even after you slapped them the previous night
22. They will hold hands and stand in a circle because it means something to you that you can’t explain
23. Even if it is blocking an entire block in the university from climbing the stairs
24. They will stand around a tree and sing with you because you just can
25. They will dance on table tops with you, because you actually can’t
26. They will bleed cause of you, but still love you anyway
27. They will spend an entire night on a staircase with you cause your ego doesn’t allow you to enter someones place
28. They will buy you graphic novels when you don’t land your dream fellowship
29. They will let you bleed, and painlessly fix you back when it happens again
30. They will let you be, even when you can’t find where you belong.
31. They will watch you go to different cities trying to find a home, all along ready to be your drop back to the only real home you have
32. They will accept your apology, even if it is four years too late
33. They will hear you bad mouth them but spend an entire night playing games with you like nothing happened, like they didn’t just break inside a hundred times
34. They will roll up their sleeves and speak to your stalker, even if they seem more adorable than angry, they try.
35. They will hear the worst ways you judge yourself, and NEVER allow it to become thier definition of you
36. They will still say you are a superwoman
37. They will write you letters, and notes and eulogies
38. They have a Soumya drawer, and box, and let us be honest, room!
39. They will make sure to fullfill each checkpoint on your birthday wish list
40. I didn’t see a shooting star that night you know, but I think there was nothing else I could have wished for anyway
41. They will come to your place at 6 am to chase away a lizard
42. They will hold back five animals cause you need to climb the stairs, every single time.
43. They will tell you how to get to any place in the city, at any time, with any amount of money. Who needs google maps when you have them?
44. They will sit beside you and be your strength when you get your first tattoo and hold your hand when you shave your head. They won’t question.
45. They will listen to your crazy ideas and pretend there was never greater sense spoken in the universe
46. They will write down an entire prayer in a language you made up when you were twelve and had one fourth a brain
47. They will bring over food for a battalion when you are broke and hungry, cause what else are grandparents birthdays about if not left over food?
48. They will reason with your every irrational fear, and silence it.
49. They will let you sleep through days you don’t wanna see, and they will let you sleep next to them on thier tiny beds cause you don’t wanna be alone
50. They will not say a word out loud when you want a quiet birthday and bring the world at your feet when you want to celebrate
51. They will hate viciously for you, and love effortlessly for you
52. They will listen to hours of voice notes when you need to talk
53. They will think of you while shopping, in any part of the world!
54. They will teach you things you didn’t know, even when ignorance can be bliss
55. They will always be there at the drop of a hat when you need them
56. They will make you paintings and send you flowers
57. They will love you. No matter what.


Five minutes of madness

Today I did something insane.

The kind of insane that you know is truly ridonkulous, and yet, you will choose to do it, because you want to.

Today, I said to my friend “I hate life.”

If there was one thing I was certain that I would never say in 2015, it was precisely this. Precisely.

How can you complain about a year that has given you nothing but amazing over amazing over some more amazing? And yet, I did the unfathomable.

Maybe I am writing this to articulate how short sighted we can be, or maybe I need to remind myself what gratitude is, maybe I just want to tell you that if you stopped to say that you hate life, well, you weren’t alone today.

There is nothing that can be more blinding than the immediacy of pain. The urgency with which it can plough itself into your life and proclaim supreme reign is really something else!

So here is to YOU, because on days like these, you choose to be happy, you choose, with every cell in your body, to seek gratitude, you choose, because you know better than to say that you hate life. No, you know how painfully blessed you are, and so you choose, because you can, to smile instead.

I chose to smile, because a few months ago I promised myself that I wouldn’t allow a day to pass me by without a smile. Life is too beautiful to not smile, to not be happy, to fret out the small stuff.

Life is too magnanimous, to be pelted down by one statement, one blank space, one person.

I heard that we are all each other’s angels and demons. How true.

So if your demon ferrets into me, seeking throne, remember her angel will drive you out with laughter so loud that will mount your evil whispers of fear, and with a hug so tight she will crush your clasp of insecurity.

So run, no, flee, because I am no longer yours, and I never will be again.

Holding my breath with this house of cards

I won’t lie to you, it hasn’t been an easy few weeks.

It has been a month of drowning in all the academic feelings of incompetency, confusion, fear, stress and the occasional moment I rise to the surface to breathe in a little bit of ‘this-is-where-I-belong’, that one class where things make sense, that one assignment you want to do, that one day when the electricity in the lab forgot you exist, and the feeling is really mutual, that one story you cover that feels close to your heart, that one byline you stare at and think that you may make a difference to someone, somewhere in your city.

There are days you realize that it’s all just a house of cards, one deadline too late, and it all comes toppling over you.

I don’t think I am succeeding very well at what I am doing (or trying to), let’s be honest, I’m not.

I am treading through each day dragging behind me an ever accumulating to-do list, and as they rattle behind me like rusted tins clinking against each other because they can, they remind me that even in the most silent, secluded, personal moment where it is just me and that vast pulchritude above, I am not alone, and I am amidst company uninvited.

I’m nowhere near being on track, on any track, let alone the right one. I’m that rag picker a million miles away scavenging through mounts of nothing good, the one you occasionally shift your camera onto because, what’s their story?

I refuse to let my life become things that I just have to do, I want my heart, and all of it, with me, and sometimes it is hard when she just isn’t there.

So where is she?

She is such a little bugger, flying all over the place, she is with S trying to find a new life in a new city, she is with R, wondering who he will be when he returns home, she is with O, wishing she makes it through her surgery just fine, she is with N, wanting to support all the little things he does to make this world a better place for you and me, she is with N, wanting to pull off something bigger than either of us, she is with J, and with S, pulsing to tell the world about the amazing people it is filled with, she is with M and D on yet another one of their continental explorations. She is the most annoying thing I am having to deal with presently, and I don’t want to.

I don’t want to deal with her.

It’s Not Mindfulness Without Kindness – By Shamash Alidina

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Originally posted on Kindness Blog:

Here’s one thing that might be missing from your definition of mindfulness.

The term mindfulness has been mentioned everywhere from front cover TIME Magazine to speeches at the United Nations. But some people are asking…what’s next?

Earlier this year I attended a talk by my favourite monk, Ajahn Brahm. He was speaking at Google Headquarters in Mountain View, California—a cool place for a mindfulnessforest monk to hang out. Brahm expressed the problem of separating mindfulness and compassion—they work far better together.

Mindfulness on it’s own is simply a present moment non-judgmental awareness, as researchers say. But to develop the beautiful peace, gentleness, and stillness of meditation, a kindly awareness is required.

So Brahm developed a new term—kindfulness. And I like it!

Mindfulness and kindness are the two wings to help you soar to the dizzy heights of insightful wisdom, unconditional joy, and deep peace.

I think rather than using the word mindfulness…

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