When the waves came crashing in


“One week,” I said to the universe. “That’s all you get, do your job. Don’t eff up.”
I set out to heal six days ago, heal from a wound I chanced upon when the universe asked me to take a plunge that landed me nowhere good.
Ah, that bugger.
Anyhoo, six days later I must say she redeemed herself.
After a fifteen year old spring mattress, an eight year old garden with sightings of handsome stallions, winter roses, the snow white ones with pale pink splashes, the perfect matt lipstick, junk food for the soul, a sun that rose when the air was crisp enough that you could just hear it crackle, a dozen mandala scribbles, caramel baths drawn at a water temperature right enough to unlock the gate between skin and soul, a months worth of superwomanvlogs, buckets of black tea laced with the goodness of all things home, a tireslessly sunny blue ocean, brave conversations, a confused playlist riddling between feel good and let-me-feel-bad-and-die-for-three-minutes tunes, noise that held still and silence that wailed, after all of which she healed me.
Sometimes you gash in ways that don’t scar, you open up to bleed away the darkness, because within there is always light.
This ones for a few special humans who kept me holding on through the darkness, thank you would never suffice to express my gratitude, but maybe a ton of doritos will.
It can get scary sometimes, really, really scary, the pain can get acute and blinding, but trust whatever it is that you put your faith in, trust it some more, and then some.
You will come out the other end, here’s to.







I’m scared.
The kind of scared that sends you hiding under your covers, silently whispering prayers for strength.
Just a little strength, just enough to get me through the day.
I am scared that some thoughts will hurt more than I may be able to handle. I am scared of that caving in feeling that may attack my chest.
I am scared every time I think of a meal, what if my stomach twists itself into those knots and I lose my appetite after the first bite?
I am scared that I will think of you and that it will hurt, even when it doesn’t I am scared it will the next time.
I am scared that I will have something important to do, someone important to speak with, and instead I will be collapsing on the ground trying to breathe, thinking of you.
I am scared that I will open my eyes tommorrow and I won’t be okay, even though I feel okay now.
I am scared to check my phone, what if you text, what if you don’t. They both scare me.
I am scared of waking up and realizing that this phase of being scared is over, because that may mean that you are too distant to fear for.
I am scared to think that I may love you just a little bit even now.
I am scared to think that I may hate you just a little bit.
I am scared.
I am okay, I am surviving, but I am scared.


What happened when I gave 40 teenagers a dollar and told them to make a difference?

Featured Image -- 5334


What a big difference we can make with even just a little!

Originally posted on Carrie Wisehart:

         Challenge accepted.

My friend Sue gave me 40-one dollar bills for my birthday. And then she told me to think of a creative way to spend it.

Not only does she know my heart, she knows I love a good challenge. And immediately my mind was cranking out crazy ideas.

After thumbing through the bills and wracking my brain, I landed on a fantastic idea.

dollar 2 Print this handout below!

I was going to challenge my students to make a #dollardifference.

I would give away my one dollar bills – each one to a different student – and give them 24 hours to make a difference with that dollar.

Then I went a step beyond – and asked the other 120 students I have to contribute their own dollar and do the same: make a #dollardifference.

Not that I doubted their abilities or their drive, but what happened next went beyond…

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Looking for sunshine


Sometimes landlocked cities that rain for days on end is just not the answer.
Not even the most magical ones.
Off I head looking for sunshine.
Looking for an ocean.
Looking for my bed.
Looking to heal.
When you look out and all you can see is tinted through a looking glass of heart break, well, you need to get away. Far, far away.
A whole entire country away.
I thought this was for you, for the nightmare you’ve made me realize was not one I could wake up from, for the road I crossed without looking to the left, right and the left, for the venom I drank from you that churned my heart and harrowed my soul. I thought I was running away from you.
I was wrong though.
I am just running towards myself, my self that got mangled in your pernicious poison masked in those melliflous words.
I don’t hate you, I don’t want to put out hate into a world already brimming with pain.
I don’t love you, because I got to meet with the brunt of your flaws that slashed my heart.
You are human, as am I, we hurt people sometimes. Hurt them in ways that thier lives will never be the same again.
Once again, as always, I will only think of you with gratitude.
Thank you for once again sending me scurrying into the deepest crevices of me that I hadn’t looked at in years, and for filling them up with a little more love. A lot more kindness.
Maybe I had to take off, to run away, to escape from you, but it’s okay really, I am just running towards myself that you took me so far from.
So here is to you, for one last time, for all your truth and all your lies, for all you said that you loved my soul and for all you never even saw it, for all you made me question and all the hundred shades of insane you made me become, for all I saw I had learnt and grown, for every wrong word you’ve said and some right ones that don’t mean much now, for all the friends who got closer cause of you, for the ones who grew wings cause I had to be carried out of the valley you kicked me into, for allowing me to hold you for the last time and say goodbye when I was still in love with you, for taking every single kiss and making me hurl over in disgust when I think of them now, for making me wonder about the goodness in people and most of all for showing me that sometimes even though you think you loved the wrong people it is to show you that everyone deserves to be loved, and there are no wrong people, all there is is love.
So here, I have asked you to fly away too many times but it looks like my wings just sprouted so..

I Have Cancer; It Doesn’t Have Me


This is Kristy, one of my favorite bloggers in the world, and I just read that she is battling a horrible illness.

This is for a woman who has carried me through some of the most dark days in my life with her beautiful words.

This is a woman I have never met, who I don’t speak to much, but someone I know is doing everything in her power to make this world a better place for all of us.

This is a beautiful woman, and someone I know will brave through this. If you are here, reading this, pause for a moment and send your most powerful vibrations of strength and love to Kristi.

Originally posted on That's Another Story:

Brave Quote In White Letters On A Black Background Photo Credit: http://www.prettydesigns.com

So much for a dramatic build up and a big reveal, as the title gives away the secret I have been harboring.  Recently, I was diagnosed with breast cancer and gained admittance to a club that I never wanted to be a part of, and my question as to which has been the worst year of my life, 2011 or 2015, has finally been answered, with 2015 being the clear winner.  Now, that 2015 has claimed this auspicious title, I really hope that it rests on its laurels for the remaining two months.

Revealing my secret is a decision that I remain unsure of, even as I do it.  Part of me does not want this news to go beyond my immediate family and close friends, and part of me hopes that the truth will lighten the heavy emotional load that comes with this news.  I am quite adept…

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