beauty or the lack of it.

I was battling which blog I wanted to share this on, or if I wanted to share it at all but then I realized this was something salient that people needed to know about, so here I am mon ami.

I had a miserable stint today. I got ready to step out, constantly feeling like I just wasn’t looking right enough to go out and be confident (quote superwoman: never step out the door without your confidence). I stepped out anyway, and in fifteen steps I felt so horribly ugly that I instantly ran back in. Does that ever happen to you? When you feel so unattractive you want to just run inside and hide under your covers?

Well it happens to me sometimes. Generally I suck it up and keep up my stride but today I felt I knew better, and I am glad I did.

I know there are a lot of people out there who tell you to keep moving on no matter how you’re feeling and things just may take a turn but I say that if you really don’t feel good about yourself, there is no harm in going and hiding within the solace of your four walls sometimes. Even if you did step out, there is nothing abject about stepping right back in. So I stayed in, watched a bunch of really inspiring videos and got this whatsapp from a friend.

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MADE MY DAY!

I’ve always been a believer in letters. Throughout high school and especially college I’ve written hoards of letters and notes to my friends. Since life took a crazy turn a year ago I rather stopped writing them. I began to wonder what the use was, what the point of cursory words (cause they began to feel that way) were jolted down in ink? Birthday? Sure, you get a letter. If not, the reason was lost on me.

My friends words gave me hope amidst all my cynicism. She made me once again think over my attitude towards doing the smaller things that matter. Writing letters. Giving gifts for no reason. Celebrating everything cause you can. I miss that version of me. I don’t know who I am anymore, but I sure as hell intend to find out. I will take you on this ride, sweet friend. You and I, we will discover.

Photo of the week – 34

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This photo wasn’t actually taken this week and to be honest, I don’t even remember if it was taken by me, but I had no picture that I really liked to put up here this week and while scrolling through my phone I found this.
Memories of a fantastic day, a fantastic week and some really special people. Win.

Chris Brown Talks

I know a lot of you wont agree with me on this, and I am being hypocritical myself if I say I have never stated otherwise, but I truly do believe that an artist is more than his or her personal life, and in lieu with that statement I have only one sole argument, Chris Brown.

So many of you never forgave him for the damage he did to Rihanna (although she apparently did enough to date him again) but I forgave him. I forgave Chris (cause that’s what I call him) before he even made his public apology. Why?

I would like to say it is because of my inherent nature to be loving and accepting of all human beings but the truth is that I forgave him because of his gift. His gift that I believe God granted him with despite all the other flaws that he may possess.

I loved chris from the time I listened to all those songs, forever, with you, help me, ain’t no way, I’ll call ya, run it and so on and loving chris the way I did has taught me a lesson. Your gift matters.

It has taught me that my gift exists beyond what I think I am or what I do or how others look at me. My gift exists in itself. There will be those who look down on me because I am not the perfect version of everything they hoped I would be, but there are and will always be those who accept and love me, because of what I can still every single day, wake up to show you the best of, and sometimes, that is enough.

Here is to Chris Brown, the EFFIN talented man he is, the BEAUTIFUL music he makes, that makes me wanna move in ALL the right ways and makes me want to LOVE hip hop.

I love you Chris, keep doing what you do cause you do it SO SO phenomenally, and I HAVE FAITH in your music and in YOU.

Weekday Brunches

Now I felt the need to blog about this place, solely because it was different.

My friend and I were walking along the JNC road yesterday because the previous day she proclaimed that a whole new string of eateries had sprung up on the road (it has!), when we noticed Cup O Joes. My first thoughts, it looked like a toy house!

We were seated on the rooftop and the interiors and crisp autumn air were both delicious. What was NOT so delicious on the contrary, was the food. I won’t say it was bad per say, but for sure, it wasn’t worth the price. It had fantastic interiors though, and a bookshelf with my favourite novel in the world, so extra extra extra points for that!

To be fair, although the food and service kind of blew, we were given SO many complimentary things it rather made up for it, rather.

I’d give the place a 6.5/10, but I won’t lie there is something about the place.

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Today I went to Habanero, again along the same road, and the experience was fantastic! From the interiors to the service to the food, I’d say it was pretty flawless. A little pricey maybe, but certainly worth it! It could have been the quality time conversation I had with my friend there that biases me, but I’d go ahead and say you should try the place out yourselves!

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You Can’t Build Inclusion on Exclusionary Language

Originally posted on Geek Essays:

Before I start, let me get some things straight: I’m a queer feminist. I think society is pretty damn sexist, and that video gaming is one area where it’s particularly obvious. I think the treatment of Zoe Quinn and Anita Sarkeesian and a bunch of other people these last few weeks is despicable. I think being angry and defensive when you’re being harassed for your gender or for how much sex you’ve had is a totally valid thing to be.

But I’m so sick and tired of how some people I otherwise respect and agree with keep responding to those who disagree with them.

This isn’t tone policing, this is asking you to stop using words and concepts that exclude people.

You can’t build an inclusive, friendly place on exclusionary, insulting language.

There’s a bunch of things that have been bothering me – not just in the recent “GamerGate” things…

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Blogerama

Hey Y’all!

So it’s been on my mind since quite a while but it wasn’t until last week, especially since yesterday, that I realized how much I needed to maintain a separate blog for more personal musings. So, I officially began another blog, click here to view and follow me there!

Today what’s been on my mind is stats. Now I take each follower of mine very seriously so when I realized that I was unfollowed by someone it rather upset me a bit. It made me wonder, what did I do wrong? It has happened to me before as well and my conclusion about it is always the same. Well, if you follow me because you like one post of mine, I can imagine you getting disappointed a plenty because I write about such a wide variety of things in so many different styles. So I suppose I can understand why someone would unfollow me, they didn’t get enough of what they thought they were signing up for. No hard feelings, but hey, if you are reading this post and thinking of following me I’d say scroll down a page or two or three and figure out what I’m about before you do :).

I had a thought today, what if I never met you guys? Alright I am being overly dramatic and quoting the Bradshaw here but SERIOUSLY (and that was all in caps so you KNOW it’s serious), you all have been my absolute rock through this past year and a half. When everyone and everything failed me, I’ve always had you to see me through, darkest of days and happiest of days, hate and love and pain and joy, you were there with me through all of it. I just wanna say that I truly thank you all for being a part of my life and I really love each one of you out there reading this.

However, wordpress has been disappointing me a bit of late. Being such a staunch devotee of wordpress, I equate her to google and search any topic I want separately on wordpress besides google searching. Scouring through this website, I was disheartened to realize that there are only a few tag words that are commonly used and most topics in this world are not even tagged once here! I’m all out to change this and I wish for you to join me on this mission. Tag all your topics, be thorough, and help people find exactly what they are looking for!

Here is something I have been trying to apply to my life.

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The rant

I am home alone (after what seems like eternity!) and my choices were between talking to my best friend in peace, or blogging in peace. Since I am here writing this, I guess you know what that means.

Thing is, okay to be honest there are a lot of things. In fact, there is such a plethora of things that last night I was running them in my head in circles over and over again until I was so worn out that I let sleep catch up to me.

One thing is, people. I cannot seem to stand them. Meeting them, talking to them or even texting them. I can’t seem to tolerate being around people. Not the ones I know at least. Remember what I said about the long break? Yeah, I still stand by that, except I think I should be taking it alone. Welcome to acerbic me. In case you haven’t noticed, not exactly a very pretty side.

Are there days you just feel plain awful? When you feel like you don’t have it in you to be a fearsome warrior? When you have to retype the very word warrior three times just to get it right? When you find people who talk about dreams and accomplishments and all those commodious things to be a real pain in the you know where? When the only kindness you have seems to be for yourself, and even that, in dwindling measures? Now string a few days of such like into a few weeks of it? FUN, innit?

Which brings me to my next thing, kindness. Now when I say kindness I refer to kindness, love, humanity, inspiration and anything that falls synonymous to this + symbol right here. I always say this to people (cause that’s how I remember it to be) that I have been a propagator of the same since the time I can remember, literally since an extremely young age. It was something I believed came very naturally to me and something that I always found myself practising, even in the most bare and personal measures. Even if it eluded me, it would return soon enough because to me kindness was home. Love was home. Happiness was home. Over the past, well, some time, things have changed quite a bit. Kindness and love seem to have fled the zip code, and all I seem to be left with is a twelve feet deep pool (in which I would most certainly drown) of apathy. That is precisely what I feel towards myself and everyone around me, apathetic. When my best friend speaks, I feel she is being fake, when my family speaks, I feel they are too full of it, well if I am perniciously honest with you, the truth is all I want to be doing is yelling at everyone and causing a helluva ruckus everywhere but the past year has programmed me into a staid, tepid organism. I feel like I’m losing it and NO ONE understands just how much. Do you ever feel that way?

Well, that being said I wanted to throw in a little announcement here as well, which is that till I can find some love in me to share, I won’t be doing the good faith columns that I do every other week because, well you will understand when you read this, the first good faith column I posted about here (that seems like forever ago now!). Now I have always maintained that no matter who reads or doesn’t (to be frank, it’s mostly doesn’t cause those columns hardly ever get any views!) I would always write them, and I still believe that I will, just not when I feel, well you know how I feel.

I will try watching something uplifting (Witches of East End) and if nothing works, I will pull out the big guns with my manga catch up session, nonetheless, I am SO glad to have this alone time!

For those of you still reading this to the end, I am not sure why God made you so wonderful, but He truly did so thanks to you, for hearing out my less than phenomenal rant. LOTS of love.