Alright, enough of this BS!
From the past week I’ve been forcing myself to blog because I don’t really feel like it, I don’t feel like it because I am in a hospital under psychiatric and psychological care.
That’s why my mind is so messed up that I am fearful I don’t know my own mind most of the time, and I can’t tell you all what to do, what I know, what I feel, because I am afraid to think, because I am constantly being told that the way I think is wrong, I don’t know, are they wrong? Are they right? I don’t know!
I was feeling like a good, happy, normal human being until I walked in here and now I feel like a brain. That’s all. A mind. And not even a particularly clever mind. A confused mind. And not perplexed, I’m used to being perplexed, I feel empty, and sad. And unworthy, and that is so ironic because I don’t even feel like a person to feel any of those things.
My writing, that is all I have left, and they are slowly taking that away form me too. I have everything and yet I can’t write. How can I function? How can I breathe? How can I talk? How? I am not supposed to be able to. I am not normal, I feel torn apart, I feel destroyed.
I feel lifeless.